


You Are Unwise to Lower Your Defenses

by nicky_writes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo is evil in this, Scars, Self-Hatred, after the last jedi, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicky_writes/pseuds/nicky_writes
Summary: The scene where Kylo asks Rey to join him takes a dark turn when he defeats her and tortures her, leaving scars both on her body and mind. She manages to escape, though, and after months of watching his friend suffer in silence, Finn tries to comfort her. However, when he finds out she returns the romantic feelings he's felt for her for so long, he also learns what exactly Kylo did to her and how she still has a long way to go to start healing the scars within herself.





	You Are Unwise to Lower Your Defenses

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to my bestie The_Readers_Writer. If you guys love Finnrey, check her out!!! And if you want to give me any feedback, feel free to send me an ask or a message @nickywritesimagines.tumblr.com. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!

She thought that she could fix him, and that was her first mistake. 

She’d always had a bit of a headstrong streak within her. For years, she’d stubbornly believed that her parents would someday come back to her. She stubbornly had refused to let the Jakku wastes kill her, either from heat or starvation or the lowlifes who shared the planet with her. And she’d stubbornly strayed from Luke’s advice. 

‘I know he can turn,’ she’d told herself as Chewie launched her from the safety of the Falcon. ‘I’ll save him, and then I’ll bring him home.’

But now, as she stood in a dead emperor's throne room, she watched as all of her naive, disillusioned hopes showed themselves for what they really were - the dreams of a girl who thought there was still something within Kylo Ren that could be saved. 

When he offered his hand to her, she knew what she had to do. She could feel the force urging her, begging her, to steal Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber back and end this once and for all. Her fingers twitched at her side, but still she clung to the last shreds of her hope. 

“Ben,” she whispered, taking a step backwards. “Don’t do this. Don’t ruin this. You don’t have to rule the galaxy to be happy; you just have to be a part of it.” 

The corner of his lips twitched, and slowly his gloved hand balled itself up into a fist. 

“The wise words of… Who? A nobody,” he growled, his teeth clenched and his entire body radiating fury. “What do you know? You were raised by desert scum and born to a set of parents who traded you for money to drink themselves into an early grave. You’re worthless; you’re nothing-”

“Kylo, stop,” she begged. 

Her hand flung outwards as he started walking towards her, reaching out with the force and trying to call the saber to her. But when she stumbled over one of the bodies left behind by their fight, she lost her chance. A tight, invisible grip closed over her throat, and she let out a choked gasp when she was lifted up into the air. 

“I can’t believe I offered you a place at my side,” he scoffed, reeling back and landing a punch straight to her ribs. Pain radiated throughout her body, causing her eyes to go wide and her mouth to part in a silent scream. 

“You’re less than dirt,” he continued, pacing in front of her. “You scarred me, escaped from me, and tried to convert me. But in the end, you failed. You will always fail.” 

He paused, turning on his heel to face her fully, a smirk stretching across his face. 

“I might kill you,” he mused to himself, tilting his head and looking at her. 

Suddenly, the grip around her neck disappeared, and she collapsed on the ground, sucking in lungfuls of air until the pain in her ribs forced her to take slower, shallower breaths.

Kylo squatted next to her, yanking her face up by her hair and glaring into her eyes, his nose almost brushing her cheek. 

“But first, I think I’m going to leave a scar of my own. Should I make it on your face as well? Or… no. I think I know exactly where to put it.” 

Taking a step back, he ignited his grandfather’s lightsaber, a twisted grin making her heart clench in fear. 

“So. Should we get started?” 

~~~~~

Finn wanted to hug Rey the first time he saw her after the hellish day he’d had. He wanted to run straight out of the cave and wrap her up in his arms, burying his face into her neck and squeezing her to make sure she was real. 

But when he arose from the underground cavern with the rest of the Resistance, watching as the stones that had blocked their path were lifted and then dropped back to ground, he didn’t see the strong, fearless woman who’d ran away with him from Jakku. He saw a beaten, bruised, and bloody girl, clutching her stomach and falling back into Chewie’s arms, the exertion of using the force causing her to fall unconscious. 

“Rey!” 

He’d ran towards her as the wookie picked her up in his arms, placing a hand over the blood seeping out of her torso. 

“What happened?” 

“We can ask questions later,” Leia said, running with the rest of the rebels towards the Falcon. “Bring her inside, Chewie. We have some paramedics left that can help.” 

And so, Finn spent the next day and a half sitting by Rey’s side, only leaving when the med team took off her shirt to repair the wound on her abdomen. Finn figured that, after everything that had happened, Rey was at least fortunate that the wound wasn’t fatal. But when he heard Leia gasp behind him and saw her walk away with a tear sliding down his cheek, he knew that it was apparently worse than they’d thought.  
Later, when Rey was fully clothed once again, this time in one of his Han’s old shirts that was still on the Falcon, Leia translated as Chewie told his story.

“She… She went to confront Kylo Ren,” the general sighed, clasping her hands tightly. “And she managed to find a comm unit and tell Chewie where to find her after Holdo flew through the ship. He found her bleeding near the cargo terminal and brought her into the Falcon. She convinced him to let her work the gun and move the rocks for us, but… It was all too much of a strain on her. She’ll be pretty beat up for the next few weeks and...and the wounds Kylol gave her will leave a scar.” 

“But it can’t be that bad, right?” Finn asked, desperate for some good news. “Just a cut to the stomach, right? And some bruises and broken ribs. That’s...not too bad. She’ll… she’ll be ok. In the long run.”

Leia gave him a tight, forced smile and stood up, patting his shoulder. 

“She will be. She’s strong. But the scars I’m worried about are the ones we can’t see,” she sighed. “I know you’ll support her, though. Every step of the way. Right now, that’s what we all need.” 

And, eventually, Rey’s body did heal. Thirty nine hours and forty two minutes after the Resistance escaped the salt planet, Finn heard a small groan come from his battered friend. 

Launching himself out of his chair and leaning over her bedside, Finn grabbed her hands and watched as her eyes fluttered open, revealing the big brown irises he’d been waiting to see. 

For a moment, Rey’s eyes darted about the room, eventually focussing on Finn’s face and staying there, welling up with tears that he could tell she was trying to force away. 

“Finn?” 

His heart seized when he heard how small, how...fragile, her voice sounded, and taking a seat on the edge of her bed, he did what he’d wanted to do ever since he’d woken up. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face to her neck, squeezing her more softly than he’d imagined, maybe, but feeling no less relieved to finally have her back. 

“Rey,” he sighed, feeling her arms weakly wrap around him in response. “It’s alright now. We’re on the Falcon and we’re safe.” 

A quiet, almost indistinguishable sob came from his dear friend, but it was the only one she let escape. With a wince, she pulled away and lay back against the pillows, her hands going to her stomach and feeling the fabric of the shirt there. 

“You... you didn’t see, did you?” she asked, worry painted across her features. Finn felt his cheeks heat up and he shook his head, looking away and clearing his throat. 

“Uh… No. I left when they were fixing you up, I promise. I didn’t see anything…” He gestured towards her chest and her stomach, and then his eyes went wide from horrific embarrassment when he realized he was talking about her wound and not her… 

“I-I mean, I would never take advantage of a situation that- I wouldn’t do anything like-” 

He fell silent when a small, gentle smile spread over Rey’s full lips, and something in him made him stop speaking, stop breathing, when he realized how beautiful she looked. He’d always known she was beautiful. But then, in that moment, she glowed. It might have been the relief he felt upon seeing her smile again; it might have been the way her hair fell loosely over her shoulders and the way her eyes were half lidded, showing off the curve of her lashes. Either way, his lips parted and he hugged her once more.

After that, Rey and the Resistance slowly healed. Seven months passed, during which they found a base and more allies, and Finn felt the spark of hope within them all slowly spreading into a fire once again. All of them, that is, except for Rey. 

She appeared to be happy, of course. She smiled when other people around her did, and she stayed busy with the work she had around the base. But Finn knew her more than the others. He could see how her grin would crumble once she thought no one was looking. He saw the way her hands would subconsciously cover her stomach when they were together. He saw when she would start to stare into the middle distance, her mind clearly light years away in some dark, sad place that made her eyes glisten and fists clench. 

He watched as it got worse and worse, too. At first, he figured that it would be best to give her some space to work through whatever had happened with Kylo that day. But when it started affecting how she acted with him, her best friend, he knew he had to say something. 

When they were alone together and something would happen that made them laugh or smile or share any kind of emotion, he would watch her shut down, pulling away and suddenly “remembering” something she had to do for Leia or some ship she had to work on with Poe. And she would leave him wondering what he’d done wrong, wondering if this was how he slowly lost the girl he’d come to love as his closest friend and so much more. 

One day it got to be too much. He’d knocked on her door to ask her if she wanted to eat dinner with him, and when she opened the door and saw him, she immediately took a step back, one of her hands covering her ribs. 

“I… I can’t,” she murmured, looking away. “I have to-”

“Meet with Leia over something?” he interrupted, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible. 

“Yes, that’s it.” 

“Rey, Leia left this morning for a diplomatic meeting with a senator.” 

Rey’s false smile slowly fell and she looked away, taking a deep breath. 

“Oh,” she sighed. “I, um… I didn’t know that.” 

“Clearly. Or else you wouldn’t have included it in the lie you were trying to tell me,” Finn said. He took a step forward and let her door close behind him, leaning closer to her and setting his hands on her shoulders. 

“Rey… I’m not angry or anything,” he assured her as she looked firmly at the ground. “I know that you’ve been off since...that day. But you can’t keep pushing me away like this. It’s hurting the both of us.” 

“I…” 

Rey trailed off, closing her eyes and biting her trembling lower lip. 

“I’m sorry, Finn…” 

Finn pulled her into his arms, shushing her quietly and resting his chin on the top of her head. 

“Don’t be, Rey. You’ve gone through so much, and I know you’re not going to magically feel better anytime soon. But I’m in this through the good times and bad. I won’t leave, and I want to be able to help you through this. Don’t shut me out.” 

Rey pulled away just enough to look up at him, unshed tears resting just beyond her eyelids. 

“Why are you doing this?” she murmured, shaking her head. “Why are you making me feel this way?” 

Guilt welled up within Finn’s chest, and he already started berating himself for pushing her like this. He shouldn’t have pressured her. He shouldn’t have-

“Why are you making me love you even more than I already do?” 

All thought ceased within Finn’s mind. His eyes, wide in shock, looked down at her, his mouth open but no words coming out. She’d just said that she… Or had he imagined it?

Pushing herself out of his arms and turning around, Rey’s shoulders shook as she covered her mouth with one hand, her soft, gasping sobs filling the room. 

“Rey… You love me?” 

She didn’t answer him verbally, only nodded her head, still standing with her back facing him. A soft, disbelieving laugh escaped Finn despite himself, and he rushed forward and turned her around, pulling her close to him once more. 

“Rey, why are you sad about this?” he asked, shaking his head incredulously. “I love you too, Rey. I… I love you so much, ever since-”

“Please stop,” she interrupted him, her voice shaky and barely audible. 

He stopped in the middle of his declaration, frowning as he saw tears now freely flowing down her face. This...wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to both confess their love for one another and share smiles, pulling each other into a kiss and not letting go until they were grinning so hard their teeth clinked together. She wasn’t supposed to be even more sad now. 

“Why? Rey, why?” 

The girl sighed and pushed Finn away from her gently, looking down at her hands as their palms rested on her torso. 

“I… I don’t deserve it,” she stated. “I’m worthless and stupid, and… And ugly.”

He was even more appalled. 

“Wait, what? Rey, surely you don’t believe those things.” 

“They’re true!” she exclaimed. “It’s all true. What happened with Kylo is my fault. It was all because I was foolish and weak-”

“Stop that. Rey, you’re not-”

But he stopped in the middle of his sentence when Rey reached down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it up enough for him to see the scars carved into her skin. Because that was what had happened - Kylo had carved into her, leaving huge, crooked, raised scars. 

Across her stomach was written the word “scum” in messy, angry scrawl that Finn imagined could only have been put there by a lightsaber. Above it, in smaller letters, there was written “worthless”, and then, below all of it, peaking up above her pants hem, was “fool”. 

Finn’s mouth went dry as he watched Rey’s shaking hands let go of her shirt once more, covering the damage that had been done to her. 

“I will carry those words on my skin for the rest of my life,” she growled. “All because I didn’t listen to Luke. I went to save Ben Solo, a man who hasn’t existed in years. And now I can’t go a single day without remembering it. I’ll always…” 

Tears blurred Rey’s vision and she let herself trail off, wiping furiously at her eyes as she forced ehr breathing to steady. 

“And I have to see you looking at me with- with more love than I’ve ever had or deserved, and you don’t even know how deformed I am, inside and ou-”

Finn couldn’t take any more of it. Surging forward, Finn cupped her cheeks and pressed his lips to hers, holding her there until she collapsed against him, her arms pulling him closer even as more of her tears fell onto his cheeks. 

Pushing her shirt up once more, just enough to expose her scars, Finn let his finger trace over the word ‘fool’, pulling away to look down at her with eyes so intense that she was helpless to do anything except watch them and listen. 

“Anyone who says you’re weak is a fool,” he whispered. “And anyone who can’t see the strength inside of you? Idiots. This scar is telling the galaxy what it is for doubting you for a second.” 

“Finn-”

“I’m not done!” His hand moved to ‘worthless’, pressing his fist gently to it and pressing a kiss to her cheek before continuing. 

“Where you come from and the mistakes you’ve made are worthless; they mean nothing, not compared to the absolute miracle you’ve become and the good you’re going to bring to those who have no hope. The people who’ve hurt you aren’t worth the air in their lungs, and this scar is telling them that whatever they do to you? It doesn’t matter. Because in the end, you will always. Win. No matter what you go through to do it.” 

His hand now stretched out to the largest one of all, the heel of his palm against the M and the tips of his fingers resting against the S of ‘scum’. 

“And Rey? We’re all scum. We’re rebel scum, and imagine how foolish and meaningless Kylo and Hux and everyone in the First Order is gonna feel when they watch the trash of the galaxy take them down.” 

Rey’s tears had long since stopped flowing, and when her lips connected to Finn’s, she felt, for maybe the first time in her life, like she was special, beautiful. It would take her a long time to see her scars as anything but tokens of her pain, but for now she forgot them. She fell into Finn as deeply and swiftly as she’d fallen into the dark hole on Luke’s island, but now she found nothing but warmth and hope. Not just for the galaxy, but for herself.   
Because, after all, not all things broken and lost to time are lost causes. 

“I love you,” Finn murmured against her lips, and she smiled. She honestly, openly, radiantly smiled, and Finn’s grin matched her own as they fell backwards onto the bed. 

Both of their bodies were canvases to scars, but when they moved together as one, they became something more than the sum of their distorted parts. When Finn’s lips traced every letter etched into Rey’s skin, she didn’t push him away or hide her shamed face. She let her back arch up and beg for him to explore and taste even more intimate parts of herself. 

And when she reached her release and came down from her high, she did the same for him. He told her the story of the scar on his hip, how he’d been shot once when he was training by someone who didn’t know how to activate the safety on a blaster, all as she trailed kisses over his chest and down, further, until he felt her breath on his cock and had to pull her up onto his lap. 

“I don’t want that right now,” he’d murmured, his hands pulling her hips against his by her ass. “I want to cum with you.” 

And so she let him penetrate her, let him guide her hips into the rhythm they both needed, let him watch her body roll and writhe with his slowly, gaining speed and pleasure as their pace quickened. She moaned his name and clenched around him when he heard her name on his sighs of pleasure, and when his hand reached between their bodies to play with her stiff bud of nerves, she let out a wail that echoed his own as they came undone together. 

She’d expected, afterwards, for there to be nervous laughter and shy glances over the body they’d just shared their own with. But instead Finn lay beside her, hovering over her with an elbow propped up beneath himself, letting his hand map out her contours and scars and curves. 

“I love you,” he whispered, resting his palm against her cheek. “I love the parts of yourself you like and the parts of yourself you hate. Ok? And most of all I love you, Rey. The person you are underneath all of it. And no one can ever change that part of you.” 

Rey smiled and tilted her head, looking up at him with no fear or insecurity. 

“I love you too,” she murmured. “And I trust you; I know that if you can find something in me that’s...that’s beautiful, then something is there. I just have to find it.” 

Finn kissed her once again before falling asleep at her side, curled around her to protect her from the cold.


End file.
